Fine, you probably won't get to see Paris for free like I did, but I'll tell you how to see it cheaper, or at least a few things to see. If you really want the royal French treatment, volunteer to let a French person stay at your house for a couple of weeks. They don't eat much and they really smell quite pleasant. Be sure to take the person out to malls or the beach and generally drive around a lot. It will seem like you're doing much more than you are because gas is cheaper here and they have to use pubic transportation all the time. They get a kick out of county or state fairs, too.

Once you establish a connection with a French person, hopefully one from around Paris, book your trip to visit your new French family. Food, lodging, local travel, and most attractions will be free because you were so generous as to give a driving tour of the old factory district of your town.

OK, fine, most of us never see Paris for free, and it's kind of silly to write a review of the city merely from the perspective of seeing it that way. So let's assume you're going to pay something to see Paris... it's still worth the money. In fact, even though I'm not French at all, I'd say that the one city in the world that I would recommend experiencing is Paris. You get a feeling when you're there, and after that, you understand more. More about people, more about life, and more about all the attention given to Paris by everyone else. And, obviously, the whole thing is not too easy to explain, and impossible to forget.

Getting There

Fly in and take the shuttle downtown. The last time I flew into Paris, I got confused while exiting the plane, and then I followed some guy who stepped around a couple of removable walls, and presto, I was in Paris without going through customs. It's kind of disappointing to not get the stamp, but since my passport has the wrong birthday for me anyhow, I figure the less people see it the better. I would not recommend trying to side-step checking in to the country, however, even if there is a line.

If you're coming from London, take the Eurostar through the Chunnel. It's fast, and you get a big discount if you use the Eurail Pass. Plus, you get to see the movers and shakers who commute between the two cities get angry when they lose their cell phone signals under the ocean. In fact, if you get the Eurail Pass, be sure to show it to the French people you meet to see their jaws drop. We get huge discounts on rail travel as rich and annoying American tourists, so live it up.

Learn how to use the Metro. If you bring your guitar, you can play some American tunes for cash to ride, but no matter what, you should use the Metro to get to where you want to go. Most of the attractions have stops fairly close, and you don't want to walk because you'll need the energy to see the sites. Taxi drivers may charge a little extra if they know you're American, so at least pretend you're Canadian if you take one.

Where to Stay

Most hotels in the city will likely say they are close to something or have a view of something. Most are not and do not. If you can't stay with a family in the suburbs, maybe you can book a hotel outside of the city somewhere. The commuter trains are efficient, and the prices will be lower outside of town. That said, it's nice to wake up and be ready to see the sites without the half-hour commute. Check out our hotel section to see what prices are like. I don't know much about the hotels, so see what reviewers on the hotel sites say before you book, It might be fun to stay in the Paris Hilton (so you can say you did) or the Best Western, but I'd stay somewhere with local flavor, which may mean sharing a toilet. My room when I was in seventh grade had a bidet but no bathroom or shower. It's best to ask.

What to See 

Yes, you have to see the Louvre, Versailles, Notre Dame, the Eiffel Tower, and the Arc de Triomphe. You do not have to climb to the top of the Arc, but you must go up the Eiffel Tower, even if you're afraid of heights or being crammed into an elevator with fifty Asian tourists.

You also have to feel the atmosphere. Paris may be for lovers, but it's also for tourists who don't act that way. Just walk around without your camera ready and typical tourist gear in tow. I mean, for heaven's sake, have the camera with you at all times, but put it away in a bag for a little while. Go stand by the Seine and imagine all those who have seen the waters flow by history before you, and realize you are finally somewhere important, even if you're not so important yourself.

You don't have to take the boat ride through town, but if you want to see Paris from another perspective, go ahead. And Paris is the kind of city you'll want to see from many angles, just to absorb what you're suddenly a part of. Yes, you must walk the Champs Elysees, but you must also walk the side streets.

Death is a great attraction in Paris, as well. See the catacombs. I never have, but there's always next time. You might also want to see the Pere Lachaise cemetery with its many famous inhabitants, including the most visited: Jim Morrison. Visit the Conciergerie to see where prisoners awaited their fates during the Reign of Terror, or the eastern corner of the Pere Lachaise, where some of the estimated 30,000 Parisians were killed during the Commune of 1871. 

What to Eat 

Go to McDonald's to use the bathroom. It's free if someone else is coming out and you get in. Some places will let you use their bathrooms, but not all of them, and you usually pay for it somewhere. My rule of thumb for finding free bathrooms in Europe was to look for college campuses. This worked in Salzburg and Barcelona, so maybe Paris, too.

Back to actually eating. Who cares, you're in Paris! Have a crepe. Have some salad with raw-tasting fish. Buy from walk-through windows so you don't have to pay to sit down. Remember that servis complit means they put a tip in there so don't bother with that, but sitting down somewhere will cost more. If you buy anything from a street vendor, you can negotiate the price, which I learned from a local after having paid full price a dozen times. The way my friend and I saw most of Europe was with a large bottle of water and a loaf of bread. The atmosphere will still be Paris regardless of where you eat or what you order.

You don't have to be a drunken American in Paris, but check out a wine bar. Maybe here you avoid wine bars because they're too uppity or something, but in Paris, the wine bars are like our pubs. You can smoke a cigarette if you really want to feel French, but a bottle of wine will likely do the job just as well.

DSM Gem

The person I stayed with in Paris had never been up the Eiffel Tower, but she loved going to Mini-France, or at least that's what we called it. No American tourists there. It's kind of like going to Las Vegas and seeing the European sites there. Acres of scale-model sites from all around the country. You can have great fun with staging photographs here: have a family member peek from behind a cathedral, or pretend like you're Godzilla about to smash Notre Dame. Probably no Metro stops for this site, and you might not find it in any tour guides. Here's the official France-miniature site. You can get discounted admission if you're unemployed, so that's something to remember.

What to Avoid

Avoid buying trinkets depicting French architecture made in China, which means just about everything at the tourist shops. The French oppressed their people for a long time to achieve such greatness, and it's a slap in the face to buy a plastic replica and hang it on your Christmas tree. Buy some dirty French playing cards or something if you must take somthing home from one of the tourist stores, though even these are likely made elsewhere and cheaper in Spain.

Avoid pickpockets, too. It's kind of an artform for some Parisiens. Safety pin your pockets or use an under-garment hiding device. I've been to Paris three times and have never been hit, and it's because I took a few easy precautions and I was always aware it could happen. A lock on your backpack might be good, but even a paperclip makes opening it a lot harder. Remember that French people, even the criminals, will try to avoid confrontation, so they want to steal something quickly. If you wrap your camera strap around your hand a few times, they'll be a lot less likely to run with it than if you let it dangle down at your side.